My Space

I see Love in his eyes.

I’ve seen it before, I chose to ignore it then but this time round, I’m taking it seriously. It’s kind of scary in the beginning but then, somehow it makes me slow down and looked at things at another angles. Guess, I’ve just elevated myself to the next level in life. He made me realized quite a number of things which I’ve always disregard their presence or took it for granted. 

Last night, it was a wake up call. I saw it in his eyes. I felt something slapping hard on my head, a pierce in my heart, my eyes felt stingy and hot. Warm tears rolling down my pale cheeks and found their place on his hands. The feeling was incredible! I’ve seen this scene many times in my life but then; the feeling was definitely nothing like this. He have just led me into an island call the “Treasure Island”. I was hugging him so tight that I wished time could just stop, when I looked up at him, all I see was a tear of love and a tear of joy. He kissed my forehead and smile at me.

When we were out walking in the after-rain weather, we just could not get enough of each other. We held hands like we’ve never held before; we looked into each other’s eyes like we’ve never seen each other before; we smiled to each other like we’ve just met. It felt like the first time again. So shy and funny! Hearts racing against time, causing blood pumping straight into the brain making you do things, which make you, look like a fool falling clumsily in the bottomless pit of love.

Strange…

Exams are finally over! But then, I do not how should I feel about it. Guess, I will find out soon enough when the results are out.

I’ve just got back from my cousin’s wedding (yes, another cousin’s wedding that’s the answer to the question bubble on top of your head), I felt strange. Especially during the time, when they actually showed “How things actually begin” between the couple. It started with my aunt and uncle’s wedding photo followed by my cousin’s photos since he was a baby till current. I was almost at the verge of tearing! Goodness me! Don’t asked me why. This is the second time, that sort of feeling overpowered me! The first was during my cousin sister’s wedding, and tonight’s wedding was the second. This is insane! I actually felt that it just seems to be only yesterday that we’re all kiddos, playing and fighting among ourselves.

I took a closer look at my three cousins and I’ve come to realize that, they are no longer the babyface boys whom I’ve once knew. The one getting married? I was basically scanning him most of the time when I had the chance. I told R that he looked strange! Especially when the time to say goodbye, he took my hand and squeezed it hard and stared right into my eyes. I was in total trance. Not in a good way I would say but in a strange way. He had never squeezed my hand that hard before! Neither did he ever stared right into my eyes before, like tonight. Maybe he was drunk, maybe he was very happy and didn’t realise what he was doing or maybe… maybe… Oh well there’s lots of maybe! Who knows!

As for his second brother, he was SERIOUSLY WEIRD! When he said goodbye, he waved at us in a strange.. erm.. girlish manner! I was shock! What the hell happened to him? When I last saw him a year ago, he is a funny, cheeky, charming and friendly guy, as usual but now… I think I got to use the phrase ” used to be”. And the youngest cousin? He’s alright. Still as hardworking as before, as entertaining as before, as friendly as before and as smart as before. His face? Erm.. I think he still look a little the same but not as babyface as before.

As for my cousin sister, she still look fantastic! But not as interdependent as before. Which is good! I like her that way better! ha! See, what I’m trying to say is, my life is getting stranger very minute as I breathe. I just couldn’t help feeling strange. For example, what the hell am I doing here this late, yadding about all this which I kept saying it’s strange. I know growing, marrying and death are part of life but then, all these just seems so strange to me all of the sudden and hoping that time would turned back. In the past, I would just want to get married and have a family of my own then I dropped the idea of getting married. After a few years later, I felt strange. Maybe I’m getting old, maybe I’m feeling old or maybe I’m sick and tired of thinking about the clock is ticking or maybe, maybe … ahh.. I don’t know. Just weird. I’m not having the thought of getting married now or next year or the year after next, I thought I would but I’m not! I knew that because, when cousin’s wife said that I was hoping to get married soon, I was furious but I showed a gracious smile, thanked her for the dinner and took off. Not thinking of getting married, yet thinking of my life getting stranger every second the sun revolved around the earth, what does that makes me? An unsatisfied person? Or a person who thinks too much? Or am I still searching for that particular answer which I thought I’ve found a few years ago?